MICRO WAS A REAL-TIME OPS ANALYST AND DEDICATED MULTI-USER. HIS BROAD- BAND PROTOCOL MADE IT EASY FOR HIM TO INTERFACE WITH NUMEROUS INPUT/ OUTPUT DEVICES, EVEN IF IT MEANT TIME-SHARING. ONE EVENING HE ARRIVED HOME JUST AS THE SUN WAS CRASHING, AND HAD PARKED HIS TOYOTA "SPRINT" IN THE MAIN DRIVE (HE HAD MISSED THE S100 BUS THAT MORNING), WHEN HE NOTICED AN ELEGANT PIECE OF LIVEWARE ADMIRING THE DAISY-WHEELS IN HIS GARDEN. HE THOUGHT TO HIMSELF, "SHE LOOKS USER- FRIENDLY. I WONDER IF SHE'D LIKE AN UPDATE TONIGHT". MINI WAS HER NAME, AND SHE WAS DELIGHTFULLY ENGINEERED WITH EYES LIKE COBOL AND A PRIME MAINFRAME ARCHITECTURE THAT SET MICRO'S PERIPHERALS NETWORKING ALL OVER THE PLACE. HE BROWSED OVER TO HER CASUALLY, ADMIRING THE POWER OF HER TWIN, 36-BIT FLOATING POINT PROCESSORS AND ENQUIRED "HOW ARE YOU HONEYWELL?". "YES, I'M WELL", SHE RESPONDED BATTING HER OPTICAL FIBRES ENGAGINGLY AND SMOOTHING HER CONSOLE OVER HER CURVILINEAR FUNCTIONS. MICRO SETTLED FOR A STRAIGHT LINE APPROXIMATION. "I'M STAND-ALONE TONIGHT", HE SAID. "HOW ABOUT COMPUTING A VECTOR TO MY BASE ADDRESS? I'LL OUTPUT A BYTE TO EAT, AND MAYBE WE COULD GET OFFSET LATER ON". MINI RAN A PRIORITY PROCESS FOR 2.6 MILLISECONDS THEN TRANSMITTED "8K, I'VE BEEN DUMPED MYSELF RECENTLY, AND A NEW PAGE IS JUST WHAT I NEED TO REFRESH MY DISCS. I'LL PARK MY MACHINE CYCLE IN YOUR BACKGROUND AND MEET YOU INSIDE". SHE WALKED OFF, LEAVING MICRO ADMIRING HER SOLENOIDS AND THINKING, "WOW, WHAT A GLOBAL VARIABLE, I WONDER IF SHE'LL LIKE MY FIRMWARE". THEY SAT DOWN AT THE PROCESS TABLE TO A TOP OF FORM FEED OF FICHE AND CHIPS AND A BUCKET OF BAUDOT. MINI WAS IN CONVERSATIONAL MODE AND EXPANDED ON AMBIGUOUS ARGUMENTS WHILE MICRO GAVE OCCASIONAL ACKNOWLEDGE- MENTS ALTHOUGH, IN REALITY, HE WAS ANALYSING THE SHORTEST AND LEAST CRITICAL PATH TO HER ENTRY POINT. HE FINALLY SETTLED ON THE OLD "WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE MY BENCHMARK" SUBROUTINE, BUT MINI WAS ONE STEP AHEAD. SUDDENLY SHE WAS UP AND STRIPPING OFF HER PARITY BITS TO REVEAL THE FULL FUNCTIONALITY OF HER OPERATING SYSTEM SOFTWARE. "LETS GET BASIC, YOU RAM" SHE SAID. MICRO WAS LOADED BY THIS STAGE, BUT HIS HARDWARE POLICING MODULE HAD A PROCESSOR OF ITS OWN AND WAS IN DANGER OF OVERFLOWING ITS OUTPUT BUFFER, A HANGUP THAT MICRO HAD CONSULTED HIS ANALYST ABOUT. "CORE", WAS ALL HE COULD SAY. "RESET, BABY", HE REPLIED. "I'VE BEEN DEBUGGED". "BUT I HAVEN'T GOT MY CURRENT LOOP ENABLED, AND I CAN'T SUPPORT CHILD PROCESS" SHE PROTESTED. "DON'T RUN AWAY", HE SAID, "I'LL GENERATE AN INTERRUPT". "NO, THATS TOO ERROR PRONE, AND I CAN'T ABORT BECAUSE OF MY DESIGN PHILOSOPHY." MICRO WAS LOCKED IN BY THIS STAGE THOUGH, AND HE COULD NOT BE TURNED OFF. BUT SHE SOON STOPPED HIS THRASHING BY INTRODUCING A VOLTAGE SPIKE INTO HIS MAINS SUPPLY, WHEREUPON HE FELL OVER WITH A HEAD CRASH, AND WENT TO SLEEP, HIS SOFTWARE DISREPUTING HIS INTEGRITY RAPIDLY. "COMPUTERS", SHE THOUGHT AS SHE COMPILED HERSELF, "ALL THEY EVER THINK OF IS HEX". Paul P Hughes